The decision to be celibate until marriage was always taught to me. Embedded in me since I was a young girl. “Wait until marriage” was my sex talk. So I did.
I never got the attention from boys that other girls got, so it was easy to resist temptation. You can resist what you don’t have sometimes.
But honestly, I’ve been sexual since I was little. Sexual images danced through my brain from watching movies and videos that I had no business watching when adults were watching. Masturbation and I have been friends for a while.
So when I got to college, and a guy finally showed me romantic attention, I jumped. I was finally going to get what I’ve always seen others have. People have sex before they even become exclusive. I thought it was a rite of passage.
But all I did was cheapen me. And make me feel wrong. I was no longer pure. But then again have I ever been? He never entered me; but what we did was enough. I’m a virgin on technicality…but who am I in God’s eyes?
Then a couple of years later, I met my ex boyfriend. Same thing, different guy. Not all the way, but enough. It’s sad really. When society makes it seem like having sex before marriage is the best thing ever when all it’s ever done is cause men to not value me.
So now, I’m done. God, you win. I’m giving you the little bit of purity I have left. Take it. Protect it. Protect me.
I’m still a virgin. I’ve been celibate for almost 4 years. But purity is my goal. Purity in thoughts and actions. Not while I’m single, but also in courtship. I need it like I need my last breath. God be with me. Amen
Written by IG handle: @proudvcardholder