I don’t know how to say this so it doesn’t sound awkward but let me try. I am close to 28 years old and have been friends with this particular guy for over 15 years now. Our budding friendship started while as kids in Secondary school and later it blossomed into two teenagers liking themselves but too naive to do anything about it. Then we finished secondary school and still kept in touch. I traveled out of the country to continue my studies while he stayed back. Our love grew even faster although continents apart. I would be coming to Nigeria for Christmas and will ultimately see him. I can hardly wait. But something has left me unease about our upcoming “reunion”.
I am a 28 year old virgin, I don’t even know if that’s a good thing anymore but anytime I have ever thought of loosing my virginity, it’s to him but I’m scared of how the experience at my age would be. I also feel I would be inadequate for him. I mean he has told me about his sexual experiences with lots of girls and don’t think I can measure up to them sexually. Am I just freaking out because of my “virgin brain” or are my fears unfounded?
The Virgin Girl……
Dear The Virgin Girl,
I laughed out loud after you inferred that you had a virgin brain. Who says that? I like your humor tho.
Let me start off this counselling section as my Pastor would love me to (he reads my write-ups and would freak out if I didn’t bring this up at this juncture). So here goes. You have been a virgin for so long. 28 years in this sexually perverse World of ours is a lifetime in our grand parent’s time. Why not just hold on for a few more years until marriage? If this special guy so many years loves you so much then he should pop the question and wait to take your cherry on your wedding night. Makes sense.
But I’m sure that’s not what you asked my advice for so let me keep my church talk to myself. You are old enough to decide what to do with your body. That said.
You have reservations about how your first time would be. It’s normal especially for a 28 year old virgin like you (and yes it’s a good thing and something to be very proud of). You are gonna lose it to someone you hold dear not some random dude so that should count for something. Just be relaxed. Makes sure you both make out extensively so as to get your body ready for the “hardwork” ahead. It’s gonna hurt even more so because of your age but remember no pain, no gain. You are a big girl and you can take it (pun intended).
For your insecurities about his experience and feeling inadequate, there is something you should know. So this is how it works. A guy is never too experienced for a girl. Only a girl can be too experienced for a guy. Reasons being:
i. Guys have ego. Girls don’t (most). A guy’s ego can’t stand being shown the way by a girl while a girl is ready to learn from a guy.
ii. Guys are built to be in charge and in control while girls readily follow his lead.
iii. Guys have a body that isn’t “treasured”, while a girl’s body is like a jewel and should be protected. That’s why a guy can sleep with a hundred girls and be hailed as a player but a girl sleeps with ten boys, she’s loose (sexuality isn’t fair to girls I know).
iv. Guys can sleep with any amount of women and it won’t show. Girls on the other hand, the more sex she has, the more her vaginal walls slacks (even a girl’s body betrays her sexually).
v Lastly. Every girl wants a man that knows the way. Not some novice that doesn’t know his left from his right.
You just need to relax, follow his lead and y’all are gonna have a great time together. Have fun.