I have been dating the most caring guy I have ever met for about three months now. He loves me and the feeling is very mutual. He takes good care of me and is always there for me when I need him. But he is a super jealous lover. He checks my WhatsApp messages anytime we see. He goes through my pictures and text messages. He forbids me from keeping male friends and if a guy calls me when he is around, I will be made to explain who the guy is and how we met. All my male friends in school now avoid me because he warned them to stay away from me. He comes visiting me at odd times to make sure I am in the hostel. He scrutinizes my every movement and frowns whenever he sees me talking to a guy. He has never hit me though. He is caring and I love him dearly but I feel like a prisoner in my own relationship.
What do I do Sir?
Hi Concerned Girl,
While reading your mail, I couldn’t help but notice the extremities of your boyfriend. On one side he is the most caring guy you have ever dated and on the other end he is the most jealous lover you also ever dated. Sad reality.
The truth is this, your boyfriend is possessive and possessive guys are mostly always very caring. They have this ideology that they can give you everything you need so why look outside. Possessive guys are super jealous and are mostly insecure and have trust issues. His possessiveness is always cocooned in love which means his love for you and his fear of loosing you (insecurity) are at odds with eachother. Possessive guys have bone deep underlining issues. It could be as a result of getting hurt in the past. It could be as a result of watching his friends get hurt by their girlfriends. It could be as a result of his past player days when he used girls left, right and center but now he has one, he can’t trust girls anymore.
All in all, your man is a good person with bad habits. A good man that channels the love he has for his girlfriend through possessive and overwhelming mediums.
So what do you do?
Pray for him.
Tell him how bad you feel that he doesn’t trust you and show him you are trustworthy.
Tell him subtly how trapped and imprisoned he makes you feel with his actions. He needs to understand that his actions are detrimental to the relationship.
If after a while, it gets worst or doesn’t improve. Call it quits. Sometimes that’s the only way to show you won’t compromise your happiness for his insecurity.
Remember, possessive guys are a bad precept for a happy and fulfilling marriage. They will turn your friends away especially males. They have a knack for turning their women to housewives.
Don’t compromise your standards in the name of love. You can be in love and not be happy. It’s better to be both. All the best dear.
Send a mail to Kurtis Smith via firstname.lastname@example.org to unburden yourself and seek advice.