Growing up as a little boy, I could literally stand anything or do anything with little or no encouragement. I was the same boy that collected about 15 strokes of the cane during one unfateful day on the assembly ground (I can’t even remember what I did). I was the same boy that represented my school in International competitions as the goalkeeper of the Junior team. I was the same small boy that fought and defeated the class agbero everyone dared not challenge.
I had the courage to conquer all these fears but lacked the liver to talk to my crush in class. As a matter of fact, I wasn’t even bold enough to talk to any girl apart from usual give me your notebook class talk. If it had to do with love, count me out. Unless you want me to stammer or at worst freeze like a dummy.
Growing up, I noticed I had the looks. I was this cute boy with a pointed nose (often called Oyimbo nose). I was tall (currently standing at 6ft 4in). I was smart (not so smart now but let’s not dwell on that….lol). Girls naturally were drawn to me. I had a legion of school daughters. As a matter of fact being my school daughter was a boastful achievement amongs the Junior girls. Girls liked me but I didn’t know how to make my move.
Two things bothered me the most about approaching girls: “What to say” and “What if she says no or even worst embarasses me?”
I had to figure out a way to approach girls and fast or risk remaining single for a considerable length of time.
Fast forward over 10 years since then, the same shy boy of yesteryears was now the same man advicing young men on how to approach ladies.
What’s the magic?
Simply put: ATM
1. Attention to detail: The hidden secret to wooing a girl is paying attention to every detail about her. Her look, her hair, her shoes, her makeup, her bag, her mannerism. Everything you can lay your eyes on. Take a mental picture of them before you make your move because they will form a basis for your approach.
You see a girl at a banking hall walking around worried and upset. It’s obvious she’s having issues with a transaction or a bank related problem. Instead of walking up to her with the same lame “Hi, my name is Emmanuel. You look beautiful. Can I get to know you?” line. Approach her with this line,
“Hi dear, you looking frustrated. Don’t tell me this useless bank is getting on your nerves as they have mine. I would have scattered their computers. They are lucky I am a Christian”
She’s gonna manage a smile and tell you her problems. Relate with her, help if you can and getting her number will be like drinking water.
You see a cute girl wearing a Manchester United Jersey and you are an Arsenal fan.
You approach her with this line.
“Imagine. So fine girls are still with this drowning ship called Man U. Better join the club with the most beautiful supporters.
She’ll smile and ask
“Which club is that?”
You reply “Arsenal of course. So you don’t know? Haba”.
The end is sure……
Remember, observe before you make your move. Have enough information. It’s important.
2. Timely: I remember watching a documentary on lions on National Geographic. This lion had a prey in sight. This gorgeous looking antelope. He could have upon sighting it, come out swinging and still catch the antelope. But as a damn smart animal, it waited, waited and waited. When it felt the time was right, it struck and with minimal fuss, caught it’s prey.
There is nothing more important than approaching a girl at the right time. Timeliness is almost as important as the words that come out from your mouth. When approached at the wrong time, a good friendly girl could seem rude. She’s not. You just didn’t “strike” at the right time.
A girl is walking on the road and you are in your Range. You drive up to her and be like “Hi. How are you? Can I give you a lift?”. Only girls that haven’t seen a Range would enter the car.
But a wise man would follow her to find out where she stays. Or wait till she branches a supermarket, gets out of the car and makes his move.
Don’t see a girl walking on the road and approach her. She’ll most likely blank you and that’s all your fault. You like her. Wait till she gets to her destination. When she’s no longer on the move, then you can commence your line of action.
You like a girl at a party
Don’t approach her when she’s with her friends. Don’t approach her when she’s dancing. Don’t approach her when she’s eating. Don’t approach her when she’s on the phone
When she’s on the phone pinging with this line “Hello. So I am curious. What could be so important that you are missing all the fun inside. Please tell your boyfriend to let you have fun joh”
Expect a smile and a denial of your “boyfriend” allegation.
The rest they say is history.
When she has a drink in her hand with this line “Hi. I have been watching your detailed and undivided attention to the drink on your hand. Iy looks good. I don’t mind trying it out. Is it tequila or something?”
Expect her to tell you all about her drink and where you can get it.
The third and final leg of the ATM acronym has three subdivisions and only one is compulsory: Manly. As long as you are Manly, you can pick one of the other two.
i. Manly: As the popular Nigerian saying goes “a lizard in Nigeria would not suddenly become a crocodile abroad”. A man would always be a man. With or without money. With or without the looks. With or without the charm. With or without the cars.
All men need to understand this fact before approaching a woman. She’s not doing you a favour giving you her attention. You don’t have to approach her beggarly. The “Please give me your number” approach belittles your manly status and should be avoided at all cost. She doesn’t want you. Move on. You are a man. You are the man.
Remember, never beg for a girl’s attention. Never beg for her number. Never beg for her time. Yes you are the man, behave like one.
ii. Mesmerize: To mesmerize can be loosely defined as “to hold the attention of (someone) to the exclusion of all else or so as to transfix them”. Therefore when approaching a lady, a guy needs to make himself mezmeric in nature (if that’s even a word). If you don’t have the height, then use the looks. If you don’t have the looks then utilize a sense of humor. If you lack sense of humor then be complimentary. All you do, make sure you leave her with a positive impression of you. If she doesn’t remember you name afterwards that’s fine as long as she remembers something about you.
When a girl is talking about her day with her friends, mesmerize her enough to be a topic of discussion.
iii. Money: I have never used money as a toasting weapon partly because I don’t have that kind of money that would impress a girl and mainly because my sweet mouth does what money can’t do (my condolence). You want to approach a girl and you feel like spending voluntarily then please be my guest (not tomorrow you accuse her of eating your money and not saying yes).
But in all you do, don’t be a jerk about it. Be romantic.
You like a girl and you find out she works in First Bank branch in Ikoyi. First point of action is to get her name and department. From anybody is fine. Secondly, send her a bouquet of flowers with a note “From your secret admirer”. Next time send a box of chocolates and write “From your secret admirer again. Note: In all you do, please don’t eat all this chocolate alone. I don’t want you fat”.
That’s money well spent. In time, you make your approach and the money you have spent will speak on your behalf.
Finally, when next you decide to approach a girl, don’t just open your mouth. Use the ATM approach and she’ll be yours. If all of the above doesn’t work. She belongs to someone else. Back off.