I have always seen single mothers as very strong women. They might have made mistakes (like everyone of us) but from a cynics point of view, their mistake (the unexpected baby) lives with them forever and keeps getting bigger. These are women who have turned their “mistakes” to blessings. These are the women to who I dedicated my mothers day article yesterday to. A few of them reached out to me with nothing but praise for article. Click HERE to read “Happy Mother’s Day To The Forgotten Mothers”.
As it turns out, a friend who I never even knew was a single mother reached out and decided to share her story. Below is an except from the conversation we had. I tried as much as possible to quote her verbatim so forgive any typographical errors and short hand styled words.
Rachel (not real name): Thanks 4 remembering we d single mothers. U rock.
Me: Sister Rachel, single mother khey? When did you born?
Rachel: I don’t tell piple but I am a single mother. I av a kid who is now 12 years old. 1st love gone bad tinz.
Me: So we have been friends this long and you never told me this part of your life?
Rachel: I don’t tell if I ain’t being asked nah. Besides, our talk never reach dat side b4. Odawise I wud av told u
God’s been the one helping me look after her cos I sincerely dunno wat I wud do if He wasn’t there
Dats my story. A sweet one @ dat. Contemplated ending my life wen the man opened his mouth to say he wasn’t responsible n he accused me of sleeping around.
Me: Wow. This is unbelievable. Please how old were you when you got pregnant?
Rachel: 19 and then 2 months later I turned 20.
Me: The World needs to hear your story. I am sure it will help so many people and make people feel a pinch of what you girls went through. Please start from scratch. I will make sure your identity is protected.
Rachel: Okay. I met this guy when I was in my ND 1 @ Auchi Poly. He was an HND student. Nice, sweet, n all.
We dated and I fink then I was jes 17
Then wen we got to my ND 2, a girl showed up and I was told dey had bin dating since. But he told me he was done wit her and so we continued
I left skool cos of some challenges I had but we kept dating until wen I started hearing tins abt him. I ended the relationship only to realize few months later that I was pregnant
I was scared. I kept dat pregnancy a secret until I was in my 7th month. Dat was wen my parents became suspicious n dey took me to the hospital for a test
My parents’ reaction? Dey were angry wit me. My dad cried cos I was his fav. I was always the one used to make examples @ home wen someone does anything bad.
I was taken to abuja where my mum stays with the hope dat dey’d abort the pregnancy but the doctors said the baby was too big. Dey still didn’t know I was far gone in my preg.
Then I went into labour in Jan. I was taken 2 d hospital but the nurses laffed my parents off saying my pregnancy looked 2 months old n dat dey Shud take me back home
We were outside in my dad’s arms wen she fell off me and landed on her back on the bare ground. Nurses came n took her in
My pregnancy didn’t affect my work or school one bit. I had jes started @ d university while I was pregnant. My late stepmum was very supportive of me. She helped take care of Emmanuella (dats d name I gave her) while I went to work 2 weeks after giving birth n then back to skool 1 month after. I worked daily to provide all she needs even till dis day. Financially, nobody helps except God who provides.
Wen he was confronted, the guy said he still wasn’t responsible. His gf then @ skool came to d office to threaten me n I told her off.
The guy n I spoke n I made him swear to me dat even if we met outside dat we cud talk abt anything under d sun but he wud NEVER mention my kid. And he agreed and thus we parted ways. We are still friends till date. We say hello, we’ve hung out twice, met during events, etc. We are cool except if he tries 2 bring her name up. He’s married now wit 2 kids
As to how it affects my relationships, it doesn’t in any way. B4 I say yes to any man’s proposal to date me, I tell dem I av a kid and if dey don’t like it, dey can walk but none of dem has Eva tot of walking away
God’s bin faithful. After my stepmum died, my dad’s sister offered to help take care of her. She’s currently wit my aunty on the island where she’s bin since age 6
I jes look back n I thank God I never gave in to the idea of aborting the pregnancy cos everyday I watch her grow (a pure version of me) and all I can do is pray dat God helps me look after her so she doesn’t make the same mistakes I have made. For her to be a strong woman who ends up fulfilling purpose.
Me: Wooooooow. I have been blessed. Thanks for sharing love. God bless you.
Rachel: Thanks 4 giving me the opportunity to. Jes let dem knw dat while I don’t encourage pregnancy b4 marriage, if for any reason it happens, dey Shud never lose hope and even while pregnant, a plan B (in terms of finance) Shud be arranged. And FOR OUR PARENTS- dey Shud learn to give their full support…seeing my dad cry really crushed my heart. I contemplated suicide but wen my parents immediately started seeing her as a blessing, it became easy 4 me to heal.