To Pastors: The Issue Of Premarital Sex


You need to see religious leaders discuss money, family, God and salvation and skillfully skip topics likes sex, mastubation like the human beings they are preaching to are made of the proverbial “wood”.

Listening to Pastors preach, one would naturally assume that they and their wives never engage in anything as immoral as sex. All they need to do is fast and pray and God will give them children.

Listening to Pastors preach, one would assume that the only sexual position they know and practise is the one that has missionary in it. Oral sex, doggystyle, cowgirl, scissors style, touch your toes styles aren’t things Pastors are even aware of. One would think.

Listening to Pastors preach, one would think all a couple needs for a successful marriage is God and love that sex is just a minor distraction.

Listening to Pastors preach, one would think getting horny or desiring sex as a single person is a sin. “Just looking at a woman seductively or thinking about sex is a sin”, some Pastors would confidently say.

Listening to Pastors preach, one would assume that sex was just God’s plan for procreation. That’s all. Really Pastor?

Listening to Pastors preach, one would assume that mastubation is a capital offense in God’s eyes and its as grave as killing a person.

Christians are admonished to not engage in premarital sex because it’s a sin and against the tenets of Christianity. Pastors are bound to quote several scriptures in the Bible to support this conclusion.

I agree.


What Pastors have failed to realize is that sex is the second most common reason for divorce after money problems.

From the money angle, people get married and are aware of their spouses financial capabilities. A woman knows the limits to his future husband’s pockets, what he is worth and what he can or can’t afford. In fact religious leaders encourage women not to enter serious relationships with lazy men that can’t cater for the family. Men on the other hand are admonished to become financial buoyant before getting married. True words I must say.

No woman is adviced to take a chance on the financial capability of a prospective suitor. No man on the other hand is adviced to lazy around and hope for financial assistance from his family for the upkeep of the family. As a matter of fact ladies are even admonished nowadays to support the family financially by working also.

Money issues being the primary cause of divorce is well discussed with couples before marriage. Kudos to Pastors.

Now to the second most common cause of divorce which is sex. Is it ever discussed in the church?

If couples are adviced to find out the financial capability of their future spouses, shouldn’t they be adviced to find out the sexual capability of the same partner?

Have Pastors failed to realize that sex is more about compatability than anything else? Or do they just keep denying this scientifically proven fact?

For example, a woman who was adviced to abhor premarital sex gets married to a man she never saw naked before. On the wedding night she imagined would be memorable ends up as a horrific experience because her new husband’s sexual organ is just a little bigger than her middle finger.
She sits down on her matrimonial bed distraught with tears flowing down her eyes and she thinks to herself “is this what I am going to endure for the rest of my life?. Had I known, I won’t have gotten married to him”.

She reluctantly discusses her lack of sexual satisfaction with Pastor’s wife and she gives her the popular advice “Pray about it. Put it in God’s hands”.

On a serious note, what is prayer and fasting going to achieve here please?
Suddenly remove her urge for sex or miraculously increase her husband’s private part from the size of pencil to a cucumber? Plssssssssssssssss. *rolls eyes*

Another man gets married to his virgin wife and expects a satisfactory sex life only to find out after the wedding that his wife hates sex as much as she hates the devil. He is expected to leave the issue to God right?

A few couples are adviced to discuss sex before marriage but when practise is not permitted, what are they supposed to discuss? Quality of sex or quantity of sex?

Quantity of sex can only be discussed because practise is what guarantees quality and practise is prohibited. Remember?

So a couple discuss quantity of sex like having it a minimum of four times a week but quality is often ignored and discarded because “sex before marriage is a sin”.

So the two questions I would love to pose to Pastors, religious fanatics, Bible scholars and spiri-coco people are these:

Sex has been abused and bastatised with everyone having it at will. I am not against prohibiting sex to just married couples but what about those that are seriously considering marriage. Shouldn’t they be allowed to find out if they are sexually compatible before marriage?

Secondly, if sex is the second most common reason for divorce, are you admonishing single folks to keep their fingers crossed and legs clossed till the wedding night and HOPE (the word hope is stressed emphatically here) they sexually compatible with the person they would spend the rest of their lives with?

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