To Parents: The Issue of Premarital Sex


That joy on a father’s face when he sees his beautiful daughter dancing the famous “Ada Ada” song by Flavour on her wedding day.

A father’s love for his daughter is unquantifiable and their protection of their daughters is even more intense.

A father protects his daughters like a hen protects it’s chicks. Come close and face his wrath. This form is love and protection is a delight to any young girl while growing up because in the midst of her brothers, she’s seen as the most cherished especially if she happens to be his only daughter. She gets all the chocolates when daddy travels, extra money for Christmas clothes, extra pocket money for her upkeep.

Then as daddy’s little girl grows up, she isn’t so little anymore. He realizes that she’s beginning to take after her mother in more ways than one. Daddy’s little girl has started attracting the attention of men in the neighborhood. The annoying part is that daddy’s little girl isn’t afraid of flaunting what her momma gave her.

Daddy doesn’t want his little girl to fall into the wrong hands or any hands at all so he protects her in the best way an African man by monitoring her movements.

He makes sure she dresses with some decency when she steps out of the house. He frowns on any guy that “corners” his daughter after church to grab her number. He frows at the idea of a guy visiting his daughter at home (African fathers are rumoured to shoot any man that dares such suicidal mission). He asks her investigative questions about her outing like “Where are you going to? Which of your girlfriends? Where does she stay”. He sets her curfew for about 6/7pm.

All these he does to protect his daughter but as his little girl grows, the quest for her own independence grows. “I am no longer a small girl”, she would say under her breathe anytime daddy shows off.

But then daddy’s little girl is sent off to the University and she finally flaps her wings of independence and soars unapologetically. She’s no longer under the strict and monitoring glare of daddy and she lets loose. She gets all the attention from girlfriend hungry boys. She goes clubbing with her friends. She falls head over heels in love with this cute boy in his final year and then under the euphoria of love is disvirgined.

Daddy is at home revelling in the academic exploits of his first class daughter and rebuffs the advances of prospective suitors. His daughter is too young to envisage marriage. “Let her finish school, get a good job before we discuss marriage”, he would tell his wife whenever the topic of marriage came up in their discussion.

Daddy’s little girl enjoys sex and has it at will with her boyfriend while daddy is singing her praises at home. She ends things with her first boyfriend after he finishes school and distance drowns the affection they both had for eachother. She moves on with another guy. They are also having sex and she loves it.

Daddy never discussed sex with her, all she was told by mummy when she was about 10 years was that “if a guy touches you, you will get pregnant”.
Daddy and mummy never even discussed talking about sex education with their children but expected them to be good boys and girl by following the doctrine of the Bible and staying away from sin (sex included).

No father would ever envision his daughter having sex outside marriage and most carry the my-daughter-is-a-virgin mindset around. This mentality comes crashing down when he discovers that his daughter, yes his baby daughter, his little princess is pregnant for her University boyfriend.

I have a five prong mind pricking questions for parents about their children and premarital sex.
Firstly, why are girls and guys given differential treatment when it comes to dating and sex? The boys are given a free hand while the girls are treated like they don’t have a mind of their own and don’t know the difference between good and bad.
Secondly, why are you guys not bold enough to discuss sex with your children? What are you afraid of?
Thirdly, why the holier than thou attitude when it comes to sex? Like some of you fathers aren’t the ones sleeping with people’s daughters and you don’t want your own daughter to enjoy what you are enjoying?
Why act so surprised, shocked and disappointed when your daughter brings home an unwanted pregnancy or your son gets a girl pregnant when you never discussed sex, pregnancy and safe sex with them?
Lastly, why leave the topic of sex to Biology teachers or religious leaders who treat the topic like a taboo?

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