While growing up as a very single teenager, I sometimes watched in dismay or should I call it jealousy as my friends had girlfriends and spent luvvy duvvy time with them.
I was a cute boy (so some girls back then had me believe). I was the clown of the class (my sense of humor has somewhat lost momentum with age..lol). With all these girl enticing attributes, I developed cold feet with girls mainly because I didn’t know what to discuss with them. I once asked a friend “what do I discuss with a girl I call my girlfriend?”. His answer got me even more confused.
Well, I finally managed to have my first girlfriend after my SSCE in SS3, the most beautiful girl in SS2 (mind you, asking her out like preparing for a speech). Suffice to say, the relationship didn’t last up to a month because I didn’t know what to say. I remember visiting her and all I did was watch TV as if I was mute. Apart from the occasional “what did you eat?, how are you?, what is your favorite colour, what do you like about me?”, our communication was impotent and relationship was doomed from the get go.
Times have changed and my communication skills have grown wings but it seems most modern couples have a challenge with their communication skills. It might not be as epileptic as mine was as a teenager but most only have discussions in the sex, food, clothes realm.
I ruffled a few feathers some days back after I made the following comment on a social media platform. The comment read “if all you and your spouse talk about is what you eat, where you went to, what you are wearing, then your relationship isn’t mature enough”.
I stand by that statement and I urge couples to quit the elementary school minded discussion lines and focus on the things that matter.
Instead of asking about mundane things like what your spouse eat or drank or is wearing.
Why not ask questions in this light (at least five of thr following on a daiky basis):
1. What have you learnt today?
2. How do we make more money?
3. How was classes/work today and what did you learn?
4. How do we improve ourselves?
5. What did you accomplish today?
6. What are your plans for the day?
7. What are your plans for the week?
8. Have you prayed today?
9. When last did you read the Bible?
10. How can I pray for you this week?
11. Did you listen to anything interesting today?
12. If you could do any part of today over again, what would it be?
13. How much coffee/tea did you drink today?
14. Will you remember any specific part of today a year from now? Five years?
15. Did you take any photos today? 16. What did you photograph?
17. What app did you open most today?
18. How can I make your day easier in 5 minutes?
19. If we were leaving for vacation tonight, where do you wish we would be heading?
20. If you won N100,000 and had to spend it on yourself, what would you buy?
21. If your day was turned into a movie, who would you cast?
22. What did you say today that you could have never expected to come out of your mouth?
23. Did anyone get you pissed today?
24. Did you argue with anyone today and what was it about?
25. What did you do to take care of yourself today?
26. When did you feel appreciated today?
27. If you could guarantee one thing for tomorrow what would it be?
28. If we traded places tomorrow what advice would you give me for the day?
29. What made you laugh today?
30. Imagine committing the next year to learning one thing in your spare time. What would it be?
31. Did you give anyone side-eye today? What did they do to deserve it?
32. What do you wish you did more of today?
33. What do you wish you did less of today?
34. Did God reveal anything to you today?
35. What was the best thing that happened to you today?
36. Is there anything I can do to love you better?
37. Is there anything burdening your heart?
38. How can we pray for our relationship today?
39. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
40. What would constitute a perfect day for you?
41. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
42. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained one quality or ability, what would it be?
43. Is there something that you’ve dreamt of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
44. What is the greatest accomplishment of the day?
I could go on and on but we need couples to deviate from the usual one dimensional discussions and talk about things that matter the most.
Note: If you are a teenager, please ignore this post and continue with your line of discussion. As long as it’s not sex related, you are doing just fine..lol. If you are a grownup up, then act like one. As grownup questions.
1. 21 Questions to Ask Your Spouse Instead of “How Was Your Day? by Sarah Goldstein.
2. Questions To Ask Your Spouse Every Day by Jennifer Smith.