I had just finished writing and publishing “15 Reasons Every Man Should Marry Early” (click to READ) when a reader commented with “Smith truth is I know a lot of guys that wanna do this but finance is the no 1 reason a lot of them hold back” and when I replied with “money is not a reason, its mostly an excuse not to get married” he added “I’m not talking about money to organise a wedding, that’s not a problem because family members will help out , I’m talking money and sizeable income to sustain the marriage”.
This is my take on the “I don’t have enough money to start a family” view point of many bachelors.
1. Bride price: Getting married to women from certain tribes in Nigeria has become a money making avenue for many elders in the girl’s village. Apart from the usual bride price which is usually a nominal fee (most under N1,000 [$5]), its the things required to appease the gods/elders/chieftains/masquerades/parents in the lady’s village that’s the issue. The truth is that most of these marriage lists are written on face value. A man comes to seek a woman’s hand in a 2016 Range Rover SUV and that’s when the elders will remember that the village square has not been completed and collect money for it. But a man that comes with taxi or okada, no body in his right mind will task him much.
Another reason for high bride is marrying from distant places. For example a Yoruba boy goes to Calabar to marry. He will pay for her hand through his nose because her village people despise the Yorubas (just an example not a true situation of things) but imagine a man from a village asking the hand of a girl from the same village or neighboring village. The elders in the village would have mercy on their own because they know their sons would also marry one day. Another aspect of this bride price thing is the stand of the bride and her family. A considerate, listening, caring, compassionate bride would fight tooth and nail to make sure her husband gets a list he can afford because his money is also her money.
2. Funding the wedding: I heard a revelation about the Yorubas that blew my mind. I was informed (I hope it’s true) that the wedding is funded by the Yoruba girl’s family. That is, no matter what tribe the man is from, the cost of organising the wedding falls on the family of the woman. An amazing revelation. What stops a broke guy from going to marry a Yoruba girl
bikonu? On a more serious note though, weddings are outrageously expensive nowadays because of greed and the need to impress. Instead of buying a wedding gown/suit, why not borrow? Instead of hiring a makeup artist (those expensive tiffs), why not make yourself up (if it worked then it will work now). Instead of assorted dishes, why not cook something everyone loves (the world famous Jollof Rice and meat). Instead of champagne and expensive drinks, soft drinks would readily suffice please. Cut your coat according to your cloth people. Wedding is for a day, marriage is for a life time. I hear you thinking “what would people say?” Remember friends that matter don’t mind and friends that mind don’t matter.
3. Taking care of the family: For starters, a jobless man should not get married in the first place because even the Bible said in Proverbs 12:27 (paraphrased) “no food for lazy man”. Food in this context means wife. So a man should not be lazy and wait for bread to fall from the sky. A man should work and as Ecclesiastes 9:10 says “whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might”. As a man is working and making a small income, as soon as he gets married, Proverbs 18:22 which reads “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor of the Lord” takes over and makes his work produce more rewards. Simply put, God is saying don’t be lazy, get something doing, use that little you have to get married and watch me favour you.
4. A working wife: When some men envision getting married, they naturally feel they have to spend more to take care of the woman and the kids and all. But mind you, only an archaic minded man would marry a woman and make her a house wife and only a fool will marry a jobless woman. Both of you are putting heads together to tackle the finances. Only a selfish woman would keep her money to herself. Stay away from such, they will ruin you.
5. An understanding wife: When a man marries the right woman, companionship trumps comfort. An understanding wife will readily make sacrifices for her man. For example, I don’t see Linda Ikeji getting married to a man richer than she is (well, I pray she does). So imagine her leaving her mansion in Banana Island to live with a man in his three bed room flat in VGC. That’s sacrifice. An understanding wife won’t mind making her hair once in two months because there isn’t enough money in the house. An understanding woman would buy second grade clothes instead of breaking the bank with new clothes. An understanding wife will choose sleeping on her man’s chest inside heat than sleeping inside AC with someone she doesn’t care about. Marry an understanding woman.
In summary, as long as a man marries right, treats his wife well, works hard and puts God first, MONEY WILL NEVER BE A PROBLEM. Quote me anywhere. Now go and marry.
Shout out goes to Eloho Unufe whose comments birthed this article. Please comment more Sir. Thank you.