“I am almost 24 years old and still a virgin, I am seriously considering loosing it because it seems virginity is outdated and most guys don’t want to date a virgin”, she said. I thought to myself “how come I don’t have an article about virginity to share with her to keep her encouraged and focused on this right track she has chosen to embark on?”. After a few hours, the much awaited article has been birthed. An article dedicated to every virgin out there who has almost lost hope. The article also contains true life stories of girls I know and every story embedded in the fabric of this article is the truth and nothing but the truth. Read with an open mind and share with teenage girls and those battling with self esteem as a result of the sex perverted world of ours. Below are 10 reasons one should remain a virgin.
1. Sex is painful (mentally and physically): The physical pain of sex starts as soon as the penis is introduced into a girl’s “sealed” private part. The vagina is somewhat sealed when still a virgin with a flesh around the opening serving as kind of a receipt that authenticates the virginity of a girl.
As soon as a penis is introduced, the hymen is torn and blood flows from it. The pain as a result of this is excruciating and according to Aisha “the first time I had sex felt like I was going to die. It was the most painful thing I have ever experienced in my life”.
The mental torture of sex on the other hand comes in the form of heartbreak. As Grace put it, “I felt he was the one and I decided to give my virginity to him on his birthday only for him to start acting funny a few months down the line. I stand to believe that it was sex he wanted all along because our relationship didn’t last long after he had it”.
2. Pregnancy is no joke: Bimpe (not her real name) a friend of mine got pregnant as a teenager. According to her, she was ignorant of contraceptives and didn’t expect to get pregnant to her boyfriend after all he was the first and only guy she was having sex with. She discovered the pregnancy but was too scared to tell anyone and resolved in her mind to abort the baby. After consulting with her then boyfriend who himself was a little over 20 years both decided that abortion was the best option. One afternoon, she mounted a bike and headed to the abortion clinic she was advised to visit by a friend. She thought she was ready but she wasn’t. “How can I forgive myself for killing an innocent child?”, “what if I die on this abortion table?” and “what if my womb is damaged for life?” were a few of the thoughts ravaging her young mind. She decided against aborting the baby. Fast forward to four years after, Bimpe’s baby daddy (then boyfriend) has absconded and left the baby in her care, her parents have accepted her and the baby, her child is in school and she is currently undertaking the compulsory one year youth service in Nigeria. In her words, she regrets getting pregnant but doesn’t regret not aborting the baby because David (her son) is the best thing to happen to her. Remain a virgin and pregnancy or abortion wouldn’t be a problem you will have to ever deal with.
3. STD’s suck (literally): Amaka asked her friend for my pin and was eager to discuss something “confidential” with me. She began “I am 18 and dating a guy who is 29 years old. We have been sexually active for about three years now and it was all going well until about two years ago when I started itching down there. After going for tests, I discovered that I had gonorrhae and I treated it. I have been faithful to him but since then it has been reoccurring but he claims to be faithful and doesn’t want us to use a condom…what do I do?”. A question and problem only a sexually active girl would have in the first place.
4. No yardstick problems: To buttress this point, I’ll be using this example. Let’s imagine you have lived all your life in Nigeria and as fortune smiled, you left the shores of Nigeria to England to pursue your education further. Two years after, you return to Nigeria to face the harsh realities of no light, bad roads, insecurity and the likes. It is almost certain that your experience in UK will affect how you see Nigeria. Unconsciously, UK has set a mental benchmark that makes Nigeria look bad.
Ngozi confided in me of how her husband doesn’t satisfy her in bed like her ex’s did. Her ex boyfriend’s prowess in bed is the benchmark her husband can’t seem to attain and this is one of the many problems of having premarital sex. But a virgin on the other hand has no benchmarks. Her husband is the only and the best man she has had sex with.
5. Sin against God: Definitely the biggest issue with premarital sex is the sin against God. Apart from defiling one’s bed, premarital sex dampens one’s spiritual life, envelopes one with doubts and guilty conscience that makes it harder to approach God. There are numerous Scriptures in the bible that declare sex before marriage to be a sin (Acts 15:20; 1 Corinthians 5:1; 6:13, 18; 10:8; 2 Corinthians 12:21; Galatians 5:19; Ephesians 5:3; Colossians 3:5; 1 Thessalonians 4:3; Jude 7). Premarital sex doesn’t make God love you less, but it sure makes you feel like it does.
6. The marriage bed: There is something amazingly beautiful about the “pain” a woman endures during her first sexual intercourse with her husband on that wedding night. Its importance could be compared to the pain a woman feels when giving birth, the emergence of the baby somewhat erodes the pain she felt. Same with when a man dis-virgins his wife, the amount of pride on her husband’s face seeing that he is the first ever man to “know” his wife. Its an amazing feeling for any man and an amazing feeling for the woman. “I finally made it”, she might be tempted to think to herself.
7. Respect from your husband: Men are egoistic beings and nothing satisfies a man’s ego more than the realization that he is the first to sleep with his wife. He doesn’t have to deal with his wife’s ex boyfriends who were all amazing lovers. He doesn’t have to feel ashamed when his wife introduces him to her former lovers because he knows one thing for sure: they never slept with her. Give your man this sense of pride and a man who doesn’t value you more is a douchbag.
8. Over population: Three years ago, a friend of mine called Chiamaka (not her real name) who was 24 years at that time told me she was a virgin but was very eager to lose the “virgin tag”. She talked about having sexually active friends who joked about her status and made her feel she was missing out from the “action” by remaining a virgin. She told me to help dis virgin her that she couldn’t take the stigma anymore. I wasn’t going to have any hand in this evil deed (in my mind…lol) and advised her to remain a virgin until her wedding day.
Fast forward to this year and we were discussing and she told me she was no longer a virgin. “How many guys have you had sex with?”, I asked. “I think five or six” she responded. This is a girl that was a virgin for 24 years and in three years has had sex with 6 guys. Once the “gate” is opened, there is no control of crowd. I hope you get my point.
9. Right foundation: The biggest issue relationships are having is in the foundation of their love life. It so happened that Stephen met Angela at Shoprite. They seemed to have known each other for a long time the way they conversed. A week after, they had started dating not before they had had sex and in Angela’s words “the sex was damn good”. They met often and it seemed they couldn’t keep their hands off each other. Some months down the line, their love had turned sour and they suddenly couldn’t stand each other. Stephen blames the demise of the relationship on Angela’s lack of understanding while Angela claims they had too much time for sex and no time to bond. The cause of their breakup could be disputed but what’s for sure is that sex based relationships or those built on/around sex always have an expiration date.
I. Parental: African parents have this often unfounded belief that their children are virgins especially the girls. When that belief moves from fiction to fact then expect an African parent to tell whoever cares to listen that “my daughter is getting married as a virgin”. Waywardness has absolutely nothing to do with virginity because some virgins are more wayward than non-virgins but trust African parents to bask in the euphoria of their daughter’s virginity with statements like “you have come for my daughter’s hand in marriage, I am sure you know she is a very good girl, in fact she is a virgin”. Remaining a virgin gives your parents the assurance that you are the Lord’s child. Keep it if not for yourself but for them.
II. Personal: A woman in her 50’s steps up to speak to a group of young girls about the beauty of remaining chaste. She tells them of how she remained a virgin till she got married and how her husband is the one and only man to ever have sex with her. The girls are in awe of her. “She’s a role model”, one of the girls said after the lecture. The other responded “I wish I could be like her”. Now let’s imagine on the other hand, a lady in her early 30s, unmarried and has slept with over 10 men. How in this World would she stand in front of a room filled with girls and advise them on remaining chaste and waiting till marriage? I’m sure she would get responses like “Aunty, how many men have you slept with?” or even “Aunty, if you have slept with this much amount of guys, why shouldn’t we follow your footsteps?”.
Remember, there is no pride in being the girl that sleeps with Tom, Dick, Harry and even the neighbors. Be the girl that is hard to get. Even if your friends call you “the virgin Mary”, smile and remember even the virgin Mary in the Bible was the mother of Jesus. What a honor.
Photo credit: https://missdaphne.wordpress.com/