The wife of the General Overseer of the Redeemed Christian Church of God (RCCG), Pastor Mrs. Foluke Adenike Adeboye marked her 67th birthday today and her husband of 47 years and Africa’s most loved preacher Pastor Enoch Adejare Adeboye (Daddy GO) paid her a glowing tribute on Facebook. In his own words “Happy Birthday to my sweet baby, my friend, my sister, my lover, my confidant, my padi, my only wife, my mummy and my partner in Christ. Love you today and always.”
With the 30 word tribute, the man of God encapsulated the whole epitome of love, relationship and marriage. Description by description, I will introduce you to Love, Relationship and Marriage: Pastor EA Adeboye Style.
1. Sweet baby: According to an unconfirmed report, the name “baby” is the most popular nickname for love birds and couples. People ‘baby’ themselves without properly identifying with its significance. In my own view (I stand corrected), the name “baby” was coined from actual babies. Those bundles of joy who cry for attention, suck on their mother’s breasts for nutrition and are naturally a blessing to every family. In a relationship context, a baby should be someone you would protect like a father protects his baby, someone you would nourish like a mother nourishes her baby, someone you would love like a parent loves her baby, and someone you would cherish like a parent does their child. A baby shouldn’t be one you insult, someone you beat, someone you talk down on, someone you backbite, someone you tongue lash, someone you insult. Pastor Mrs. Adenike is Daddy GO’s sweet baby because he does all of the above for her and treats her like he did over 47 years ago before he married her. An actual baby outgrows the name “baby” but your partner no matter the age never outgrows to be treated like a baby.
2. Friend: A friend is someone who sticks closer than an associate or a colleague or even an acquaintance. A friend is someone you relate to and find solace in. Most relationships and even marriages are partners and not friends. The difference is that partners are usually together for personal gain like a partner in a business venture. If friends are partners then relationships wouldn’t be as self-centered as they are becoming. Be your partner’s friend. Nothing should be undiscussable, be open minded, be a good listener, don’t be too quick to judge. Being a friend also amounts to enjoying your partner’s interests. Your husband is a football fan then it’s up to you to like his team, buy their jersey, follow the club’s twitter handle for updates, and watch their matches with him. This is exactly what it means to be a friend. The friendship between Mr. and Mrs. Adeboye is so unrefined and raw that a blind man would sense it by just meeting them.
3. Sister: I grew up with two younger siblings: a brother and a sister. My sister being the last born and the only girl is undoubtedly the apple of the eyes of all in the family. The fact that I have a sister has been a blessing to me because I have grown to cherish and love another girl/lady asides my mother. She could be stubborn like all last borns are but she’s a smart girl who listens to her elder brother. It is no secret that boys are very protective of their sisters because being a boy makes you understand the malicious nature of other testosterone carrying humans like you and your mission as a brother is to protect your sister from the ‘evil eyes’ of those ‘bad boys’. A brother defends his sister. As I will always say, the boy/man that would dare lay his hands on my sister should leave the country or he will lose a tooth. Your spouse is like a sister to you, someone you protect from danger, love like no other, cherish like a baby, defend at all times and stand by through thick or thin.
4. Lover: The major problem most relationships keep having is that they become lovers before becoming friends. The foundation then is built on a sandy foundation. That said, no serious marriage can survive the test of time if ‘loving’ is not embedded into the fabrics of their love life. A lover is selfless and open to making his/her partner satisfied. A lover is not a sex freak but a PSS (Partner Satisfaction Seeking) freak. A PSS freak in my own definition is someone that will do anything sexually (legal) to satisfy their partner. Selfish lovers are abound but selfless lovers are scarce. Become a lover with a difference. Someone who uses not only the medium of sex to show love but in other avenues. It might be hard to envision your pastors making love but I am sure Pastor and Pastor Mrs. E.A Adeboye’s children didn’t fall from Heaven, they had to make love to make babies. I am also certain they still make love at their age because love making is an important and vital aspect of marriage and bonding. Be a lover with a difference. Age is not an excuse.
5. Confidant: Confidant is coined from the word ‘confident’. A confidant is someone you can tell anything and be confident that the person will not use such information against you one day. A confidant is simply someone you trust with your life’s secrets. The internet is saturated with former couples exposing the secrets of their ex-lovers as soon as the relationship hits the rocks. From released sex tapes to nude pictures to financial secrets. When you make your partner your confidant, you NEVER EVER use the information told you in confidence against the person whether you are angry or not. Your partner trusts you enough to tell you when she slept with her lecturer a long time ago to get good marks and then you both have a fight and out of anger and spite you tell her “that’s how you will be sleeping with lecturers, useless woman”. Become your partners’ confidant and be ready to die to protect their secrets.
6. Padi: Padi is a Yoruba slang which means friend. A padi is someone that transcends beyond friendship. A padi is someone Nigerians would call “my personal person”. A padi is someone that can never go wrong. Someone you are willing to overlook their ‘sins’ and even forgive when they err. Padi mi which means “my friend” is used to insinuate that the person is “my friend” not like other friends I have. Your partner should be your padi and you be your partner’s padi. Friendship could be tested and fail but “padiship” will never fail any test. They say you know your true friends when you are in need but the truth is that a padi would never leave you no matter what. A padi would eat fried rice and chicken with you when the going is good and readily drink garri without groundnut with you when the going is bad. Make your partner your padi for life.
7. Only wife: The beauty of this description cannot be overemphasized. The main focus here is the use of the word “only”. Your woman should not only be your wife but your only wife. She should never share your heart, body or affection with anybody else. Love is unconditional and there is no excuse under the sun to deviate from this principle. Excuses like “I need a younger woman to keep up with my sexual drive” or “after childbirth, our sex life has declined because she gave birth naturally” or “she’s not as sexually active as she used to be so I need to get the satisfaction elsewhere” are futile. You married one wife and one wife only not that University girl or your secretary. It is true that men are sexual beings and most men’s testosterone and lack of self-control has led them astray on many occasions but become that special my “only wife” kind of man.
8. My mummy: I grew up with a wonderful and very disciplinarian mother. She was always there for us and would lose a hand for her children. She would lose sleep to make sure we slept. She would sweat to make sure we didn’t have to sweat. All she demanded was that we kept to her rules and did as she requested. I have grown to identify motherly values in every woman whether an 18 year old girl or a 30 year old spinster. From a woman’s perspective, a man is like child who needs a mother. From the onset, the same breasts your child would suck for nutrition is the same breasts your husband would suck for sexual satisfaction. Talk about being a mother firsthand. The same way a mother pets and cares for her child when he injures himself is the same way you will comfort your husband when a business deal goes wrong or he loses his job. Talk about being a mother. The same way a mother stays up cooking for her child is the same way you will cook for your husband and nourish him. Talk about being a mother. The same way your child keeps you up at night crying is the same way you will stay up at night to satisfy your husband’s sexual urges. Talk about being a mother. The same way a mother leaves her favorite TV show to attend to her child’s school assignment is the same way you should stay up exchanging ideas with your husband to make his business moves forward. Talk about being a mother. I can go on and on but I am sure you get my
motherly point. Be your spouse’s mother. From a man’s perspective, respect her like you respect your mother, adore her like you adore your mother, love her like you love your mother, protect her like you would your mother.
9. Partner in Christ: The foundation and backbone of any marriage is not their sex life but their Christ life. Your partner is your pastor, your minister, your preacher, your Bible study partner, your prayer partner, your fasting partner, your priest, your Bishop. Your partner’s prayer is far more powerful in your life than the prayers of all the men of the God combined because both of you are one according to the Bible in Ephesians 5:31. Remember one shall chase a thousand and two shall chase ten thousand (Deuteronomy 32:30). Never leave the bed in the morning or sleep at night without praying together. Fast together, attend crusades and church programs together. Being a partner in Christ with your spouse means being of the same faith for can two walk together except they agree? (Amos 3:3). You are a Christian and contemplating marrying a Muslim, how are both of you going to be “partners in Christ”? She’s Deeper Life and you are CCC, how are you partners in Christ when you both can’t even agree on the same doctrine and principles.
10. Love you today and always: Nowadays, love has a time limit. As soon as the going gets tough, or no children come forth, or the man loses his job then the love expires. As I would always say, love is not a feeling but a commitment. Love now, love tomorrow, love forever. No one said it was going to be easy, but nothing good comes easy they say.
These principles have been useful to the Adeboyes’ for the 47 plus years in their marriage, I am sure they would help you if strictly adhered to by both partners. All the best.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO A GREAT WOMAN OF GOD, A WIFE, A SISTER, A MOTHER AND A GRANDMOTHER. GOD BLESS YOU MA.