Growing up in Nigeria has been interesting or should I say “hypocrital” especially when it comes to the topic of sex. Sex is prohibited and its discussion is often frowned on. In Africa, sex can be done but not discussed. Talking about sex means you are either active (an abomination if you are not married), a pervert or unholy. Nigeria is one of the most sexually active countries in the World but in terms of talking about sex, we are one of the most backward.
A child grows up in Nigeria without proper sex education because parents are shy about discussing such a delicate topic with their kids. In schools, sex education is non existence with a few lessons on the reproduction organs in Biology the most a growing up child would ever come close to getting in such a vital element of adolescence.
Girls grow up to realize that their flat chests have started bulging out and bras are needed to keep them in place. They realize that their hips are expanding and pubic hair is growing around their private parts. They notice that boys and even men pay them attention that they didn’t get when they were younger. All these changes and no one to discuss it with.
The boys themselves begin having wet dreams and experimenting with masturbation and porn. They realize that they get turned on by the sight of girls and get a hard on by the sight of naked women. All these changes and no one to discuss it with.
So where schools and parents have failed, what have churches, mosques and religious bodies done to remedy the situation?
In one word: Nothing.
Religious bodies especially churches have branded sex as an abomination and having sexual thoughts as a sin. They hardly if ever discuss sex on the pulpit and focus on money and going to Heaven more. They have made having sexual feelings seem immoral and ungodly and therefore should be casted out by a deliverance section or a 40 day dry fasting and prayer. Some denominations have even banned their “religious heads” from getting married to focus on the “gospel of God” which means according to scriptural backing that they are more or less not allowed to have sex ever. This would have been fair and justifiable if their maker (God) removed the “sexual genes” from them but the truth of the matter is that everyone of us is born with the urge to have sex. So when pastors frown on sexual related topics, schools don’t recognize it in their curriculum and parents fail to acknowledge their role as a child’s sex advisor. What happens to these kids?
One answer: they learn by trial and error.
Kids grow up hearing about the sex gist, no one wants to talk about it, but apparently everyone likes it.
“What’s this sex thing everyone is going on and on about?” goes on in their innocent underdeveloped minds and coupled with the inner rage of sexual hormones beginning to ravage their tender bodies decide to find out by trial and error.
What can we don to remedy this anomaly–» Recommendations:
1. Parents should educate their children about sex from a very tender age. A child should know what parts of their bodies are forbidden from the touch or sight of others. Nothing hidden but sugar coated. Parents must have the “talk to me about anything and I mean anything” atmosphere with their kids. Tell her what to do when she’s horny, tell him what to do when aroused. Don’t let our kids to experiment or fall prey to sexually active minds any longer.
2. Schools MUST include sexual education in the curriculum. Enough of the deficiency of Biology classes as a replacement for sex education. Sex education is important and should be taught to kids from an early age but remember in Bill Cosby’s words “Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don’t believe the kids should be given homework.” (pun intended).
3. Churches and religious bodies must pitch in as well. Enough of the hypocrisy surrounding sex in churches. Having sexual feelings isn’t a sin, acting on it is. These kids and even grownups must be taught about sex and how to put their emotions in check.
4. Our mindset should change totally. I barely asked a sexually active girl what oral sex meant when she replied “I don’t want to talk about it”. This is the same girl that would “act about it” when with her boyfriend but she can’t get herself to discussing sexual matters with a fellow grownup? Something is wrong somewhere.
Sex is beautiful and sex is inbuilt and as Peak Milk would say “Its in You”. Enough of the pretense, I know you are having it. If you can enjoy it, you can discuss it.