It’s no secret that ladies especially young girls in Africa and to be more precise Nigeria have long practiced the habit of “sugar daddry” (for lack of a more suitable word). Sugar daddy in street terms implies an older man who cares for a younger lady by providing for her financially and otherwise. Knowing that nothing in life is free, its safe to ask what these “sugar daddies” gets from younger girls in exchange for their “benevolence”. The answer is simple: her body. A sugar daddy usually a married elderly man often befriends a girl young enough to be his daughter, promises her Heaven on Earth in exchange for sexual favors.
If you clicked on this post expecting to read reasons why girls should have these parasites called sugar daddies then you are surely gonna leave disappointed. This piece unashamedly focuses on the real men in a girl’s life, the men that should and in most cases are not the sugar daddies in their daughter’s lives. The men that should treat their daughters with all the love, care, support, affection that the so called sugar daddies are currently doing and not exploiting their daughter’s femininity, innocence and sexuality like those sugar daddies are doing. These men are fathers.
Yet another father’s day is upon us and the importance of a father in a child’s life cannot be overestimated. Mothers play a crucial and very vital role in a child’s life judging by the fact they are the first point of contact a baby has either on the inside world (the womb) or on the outside world.
Fathers don’t have the biological privilege of bringing a daughter into this World but in my own opinion have the privilege of shaping her entire World.
A father’s involvement in his daughter’s life is a crucial ingredient in the development of a young woman’s self esteem, self image, confidence and opinions of men in the long run. The World they say is a man’s World and its no secret that a woman’s world evolves around the life of the man in her life (whether father or husband). The type of man that a woman dates and has long-term relationships with is directly related to the kind of relationship she has with her father.
HOW TO BE A SUGAR DADDY:
1. Treat her mother specially: The first man a girl ever knows his her father and the first relationship she would experience is the one between her father and mother. If a man treats his wife like a queen, values her opinion, respects her views, cherishes, nourishes and protects his woman (her mother), his daughter would invariably expect such treatment from the man she enters a relationship with. This special treatment given to her mother tells a daughter that men should value women as human beings, as equals, and not as persons to be used. “Daughters would see what their father’s believe about women by how they value and respect women or by how they fail to do so” says Michael Austin, editor of Fatherhood – Philosophy for Everyone.
2. Treat her specially: As earlier mentioned, the first man a girl ever knows his her father. The relationship she has with her father is always going to affect her relationship with other men. A sugar daddy is expected to be very close to his daughter, to be her best friend, to be her stronghold, a shoulder to lean/cry on. A sugar daddy is expected to spend regular quality time with his daughter. Don’t be afraid to take her out shopping (not give her money to go shopping), go to her friend’s party with her, go jogging with her.
Let her know you love her with the words and hugs that are appropriate for her age. Whatever your relationship with her mother, your relationship with your daughter is critically important.
Teach your daughter about privacy, modesty, and appropriate boundaries. Fathers model where the lines are between appropriate affection and inappropriate touch.
A sugar daddy should be his daughter’s classmate/teacher/principal. Be interested in what she is learning in school. Pay attention to her interests and be honestly curious to learn what she knows about them. Share interesting things about your work and your hobbies. Research shows that the most successful women have generally had fathers who were interested in their intellect and their academics.
A sugar daddy is very interested in what interests his daughter be it girls’ basketball or musical theater. As long as his daughter is involved, he creates time to encourage her and make her feel loved. She needs you there as a witness to her talents, her efforts, and her achievements.
A sugar daddy should be his daughter’s mirror. We live in a culture where girls are often insecure about their looks. Girls are known to alter how God brought them into this World by bleaching their skins in a bid to look “perfect”. The problem with this level of insecurity originated from childhood when the man in her life never told her how beautiful she is. She grows up seeking approval from other men and when she sees men paying attention to a particular spec of women (the busty, fair, full lips, Brazilian hair wearing types), she forgets that she’s made different and aspires to look like someone she’s not. A sugar daddy’s genuine, sincere and non sexual compliments on her dress sense, her facial beauty (how she looks like her mother or has the eyes of her grand mum) are one of the building blocks of her self-esteem.
A sugar daddy shows his daughter that real men can negotiate differences with women. When you and your significant other or a female relative disagrees, or if you disagree with her, let your daughter see you work through the conflict in a calm and reasonable way. That you don’t impose your opinion on the woman in question or shout her down or shut her up because she’s a woman. She is less likely to fall for a bully if she knows that men and women can deal with differences respectfully.
A sugar daddy treats all adult women the way he wants his daughter to be treated someday. He takes care with what he says about women he works with, the women in his family, and even the woman driving the car in the next lane. Don’t indulge in mother-in-law or other sexist jokes. Your daughter is listening. Your attitude about women is part of the attitude she is developing about herself.
A sugar daddy treats his daughter the way he wants her future partner to treat her. The way you interact with your daughter is what she becomes used to when relating to a man. Treat her with respect, dignity, caring, and affection and she will expect to be treated that way by a mate.
Last but most importantly, be the kind of man you want your daughter to marry. Make no mistake; you are the model for manhood your daughter is likely to look for when she starts to date. If you want her to find a man who is faithful to his partner, who is honest and hardworking, who knows how to have fun, who uses money wisely and who doesn’t abuse people, drugs, or alcohol, then you need to be that kind of man. “Do as I say, not as I do” seldom works. Your daughter will believe what you do far more than what you say.
We need more fathers to take up the “sugar daddy” role often occupied by men with selfish desires. As a man, I vow to be a sugar daddy to my daughters and help other men brace up and take up their role and I have done my part by putting this article together. It’s now left to you guys to not only read this article but propagate the gospel by sharing with fathers and aspiring fathers alike. As a woman, endevour your husband or fiance/boyfriend/brother/male friends reads, meditates and abides by the rules in this article for a more confident World of women in the future. Thank you.
Happy Father’s Day to the real fathers (not sperm donors) out there.
MUST VIEW: Father and Daughter Beautifully Recreate Wedding Photos of Late Mother (very touching story that would move the stoniest of hearts with adorable pictures to match) #Enjoy
“The Importance of the Father-Daughter Relationship: www.shesknows.com
“Daughters Need Fathers Too”: www.psychcentral.com
“The Important Role of A Dad”: www.huffingtonpost.com
“How Dads Affect Their Daughters Into Adulthood”: www.family-studies.org