1. Not as much sex: If you entered marriage thinking you are going to be having sex everyday and anytime you want it, then you are definitely going to be very disappointed.
Women are not always in the mood for sex which could be as a result of many things including:
A. Menstrual cycle: During that time of the month, those 3 to 5 annoying days are hell for any man but that’s the way it is. Deal with it.
B. Physical tiredness: I can imagine a woman waking up early to take care of the kids and getting them ready for school, makes breakfast for you and the kids, gets to work, stresses herself at work, gets back and takes care of the kids, gets dinner ready for you and the kids, gets ready for another long day tomorrow. After all this assertions, you expect her to be in the mood for sex? You are wicked.
C. Mental tiredness: Most times its more of a mental thing as it is physical. She has a lot on her mind to be bothered about sex but all you thing of is “bang bang bang”. Calm down.
2. If the marriage doesn’t work, you are solely to blame: I have heard tales of hilarious people blaming the demise of a marriage on the woman. This is my point of view, no matter how hard hearted, wicked, disrespectful, arrogant, annoying a woman is, you are the man of the house, she didn’t become all that overnight, you married her with all that attitude. If she’s a bitch, she’s your bitch. Take charge, bring her to order and stop passing blame. Be a man, man up and take care of your home.
3. Be gainfully employed and have your own place: I am not saying you should be a millionaire before getting married but you must not be idle. You must be doing something and earning some money for the upkeep of your family. Any man that would be comfortable staying idle and eating his wife’s hard earned money is less than half a man. Also, I don’t see why a fully fledged man would even consider getting married in his parent’s house. That’s insane but I hear people do it. Before even contemplating settling down, rent a place (even its a self contained apartment). Just make sure its your place.
4. Have a vision for your family: What are your dreams for your family. The Bible says in Proverbs 29:18 “where there is no vision, the people perish”. Where is your vision for your family? What do you want your wife doing? How many kids do you want? Where do you want to live with your family? Write down a game plan to achieving your family goals and work together with your wife towards achieving it.
5. Always be available: Men are very busy with work and business. Men are the family’s financial backbone and so their absence from home to make money for the family is understandable. But that’s no excuse to be an absentee husband or father. Your wife needs you more than she needs the money (let’s hope she’s not a gold digger..lol). She needs you to talk to, to relay her fears, to share her joy and pain, she needs your touch and affection. Your children also need their father, their hero, their macho man, their bestfriend, their teacher around. Make out time for them and don’t let the quest for money become an excuse to forfeit your REAL duties as a husband, a father and a family man. Your family is your number one priority, your job is secondary.
6. Leave your parents out of it: I could not have put it better than the Bible in Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:5 and Ephesians 5:31 which all says “A man shall live his father and mother and cleave to his wife”. Until you leave your parents both physically, mentally and psychologically then you are not ready for marriage. Enough of the my-mother-doesn’t-want-me-to-marry-a-Yoruba-girl excuses that men give when they know they have wasted a girl’s time and don’t know how to say bye. Man up and get yourself a wife. Don’t let your parents decide who you should marry. Also, stop taking financial assistance from your parents (except to plan the wedding and honeymoon). Set up your family with your finances and not that of your parents because if your parents invest financially into your marriage, they will believe they have a say in it.
7. Your wife comes before your mother: Your wife comes before your mother any day anytime. I have always told my mother that when I eventually get married, she has no right to scold my wife, slap my wife or insult my wife. She’s not my wife but my mother. If she has anything against my wife, she should tell me and as the man, I’ll talk to her (my wife). Make sure you differentiate their roles in your life. Your mother is not your better half, your wife is. Your mother is not your help meet, your wife is. Your mother is not the bone of your bone, or flesh or your flesh, your wife is. You sucked your mother’s breasts when you were a child who didn’t know anything, now as a man, you suck your wife’s breasts. Your wife is your vice president, your second in command not your mother. Always put your wife first, always.
8. Be firm and be soft: Most women grew up with strict fathers telling them what to do and what not to do. They grew up with a firm hand guiding them through life. As a man, you have taken over that mantle from her father/guardian. Don’t be the YES guy, the do-anything-you-want-baby kinda guy. Be a firm man. Tell her this is how it is and that’s how it’s gonna be. But in this firmness, don’t be a military ruler sort of. Be soft, seek her advice before taking decisions.
9. You are totally responsible for the gender of your children: Tales abound of men either chasing their wives away or marrying another woman because in their own words “the woman failed to give them male children”. The gender of a child is totally dependent on the man. In simple terms, a woman has XX chromosomes (X represents a girl) while a man has XY chromosomes (X represents a girl while Y is a boy). When the sperm fertilizes the egg, if a man’s X meets a woman’s X then a girl is born (XX) but when a man’s Y meets a woman’s X, a boy is born (XY). So therefore, a woman gives you the child your sperm gives her. Stop blaming women for the gender of kids. Ignorant is not an excuse.
10. Be innovative as a man: You are the head of the family so the innovation should start from you. Never let your marriage seem predictable. In bed, look for new ways to make your sex life more interesting. Must sex always be in the room sef? What happened to the kitchen, your office, your car, on the floor. In the kitchen, learn how to cook and surprise your wife sometimes. Take your wife to the movies more often for bonding sake. Take her to the beach or something. Treat your wife as your girlfriend and your marriage will be sweeter than lemon plus.
11. Have a car or at least aspire to have a car: The importance of having a car in marriage cannot be overemphasized. I have seen mothers carrying their children on bikes, inside buses or trekking and its not a palatable sight. Having a car doesn’t mean you want to add to the ‘holdup’ situation in your city or you want to be among the “car owning” league of gentlemen. Getting a car would help your wife move around easier, help get the kids to school, help you get to work, necessary in the case of an emergency. Having a car is essential. If you don’t have one doesn’t mean you can’t get married but work towards having a car as soon as possible.