So my big brother (cousin actually) got married last Saturday on the 30th of September somewhere inside the amazons of Imo State, Nigeria. This story I am about relating to you actually happened on our way to his wife’s hometown for the traditional wedding. The wedding was for Saturday so a day before my brother, a friend and an Uncle left from Akwa Etiti in Anambra State (my hometown) to his wife’s family house in Ehime Mbano in Imo State just to get familiar with the route so as not to get lost on the D day.
On their way, they asked people they met on the road for directions and finally after a while they located her place, exchanged pleasantries with our future in-law’s and headed back home. On the D day, we left from Akwa Etiti in an entourage. My brother, I and the same friend he went with a day before were in the same car leading the entourage. All 8 cars assumed he already knew the route because he was there a day before so they all followed him ‘mumuciously’. He was up to it initially, leading us along the way for over an hour then all of a sudden, he couldn’t remember the rest of the route.
It was then that he began solicitating for the help of the friend that escorted him a day before to the same location. The friend couldn’t remember too (wasn’t sure) so he started blaming the friend for not remembering when he himself could not remember. In my brother’s own words he jokingly said “why can’t you remember and you were with me yesterday, I will tell everyone (the entourage) that its your fault we got lost”. After all the bickering, claims and counter claims, we ended up asking people on the way and arriving at the venue of the wedding an hour late.
So how does this relate to marriage.
My brother represents the husband, the friend represents the wife, my uncle that escorted them earlier represents the family (parents), the entourage represents family/friends/relatives while the people they were asking for directions are people that give solicited and unsolicited marital advice.
Before marriage, the husband (fiance) and wife (fiancee) are in the same car with the family on a journey to discover how to make their marriage a happy and joyful one. On the way they ask their friends/pastors/counselors/marriage book authors for directions.
Now during marriage, the family leaves the car and the husband and wife are left alone in the car. The husband is driving the car (the marriage) while the wife is at the passenger seat to assist him.
The husband assumes he already knows the way to a happy and joyful marriage so takes his wife on the ride then all of a sudden, he gets to a place where he doesn’t know what to do. He seeks advice from his wife. In most marriages, five things will happen at this juncture.
1. The man admits he doesn’t know the next move, asks his wife who does and she advices him and they both carry on peacefully and lovingly.
2. The man admits he doesn’t know the next move, asks his wife who does but she refuses to tell him because she’s full of herself and wants to take the steering wheel from him.
3. The man admits he doesn’t know, asks his wife who admits she doesn’t know also and both join heads to come up with what to do.
4. The man never admits he doesn’t know because of pride, doesn’t ask his wife and they both get lost and he ends up blaming her.
5. The man admits he doesn’t know, his wife doesn’t know either so they involve external influence (family/pastors) who give them the desired help or make thing worst.
What happens in a marriage depends on the relationship between the husband, his wife when things are not going as planned/hoped and their handling of external influence.
The man is the driver not the woman. Men should never leave that responsibility to the wife and women should never take up that responsibility. Know your role and play your role to avoid any friction in the family.
Would you buckle under the pressure of marital tribulations or would you hold each other closer and handle the matter together as one.