Those awkward moments when you can’t get over your ex, you have tried but you just can’t. You love him/her now as much as you did when you both were still dating. This is a dilemma that has affected many people. Do I go back to my ex? Do I move on? Can I find love again? Can I feel the same way I feel for my new spouse like I do my ex? I still love my ex? So if your question is, can I date my ex? My answer is YES but you have to answer these questions.
1. Are you lonely?: Too many times, the “I feel very lonely, I miss my ex” syndrome has led many to go back to unworthy unworkable relationships. You should want him/her back not because you feel lonely but because you miss what you both shared.
2. Do you love yourself enough?: Let’s imagine a girl that loves a man that physically abuses her. He beats her at every provocation. She doesn’t want to break up with him because she claims to love him and can’t do without him. Then after a while, she’s encouraged by her family to break up with him. But after missing him, she goes back into the abusive relationship. How can a lady sensibly walk back into a relationship where a guy beats her up. Does she love her self enough? I don’t think so.
3. Why do you want to date your ex?: The biggest mistake people make is that they mistake sexual passion for love. You miss the way he satisfies you in bed, you miss her sexual energy. You know you both can’t work out but since you miss the sex, you want to go back. BIG MISTAKE. Make sure your reasons for wanting your ex back are genuine.
4. Why did we break up?: There is always a reason behind every breakup. It might be immaturity, anger, mistrust, a cheating spouse, a violent spouse etc. Discover what made you guys break up in the first place.
5. Has the offended party forgiven and forgotten?: Most times, breakups aren’t mutual. Someone always wakes up, can’t take enough, packs their bags and leaves the relationship. Has the offender in the r’ship asked for forgiveness? and has the offended forgiven and moved on?
6. Have you both resolved your differences?: After you have discovered what made you both break up, and forgiveness has been sought after and given then its time for you both to resolve your differences. “I don’t like the way you did this and that when we were dating” and he agrees to stop doing those things. Compromises have to be made before you restart the love engine.
7. Are you starting afresh?: When question 6 above is answered then you must ensure you start on a clean slate. Don’t enter this new relationship with the baggage of the old relationship. Remember even the Bible says “old things are past away, all things have become new”. Don’t judge him/her on the past relationship but on this new one. Don’t bring back past hurt or offenses into this new relationship. If you can’t forget the past and start afresh then forget the relationship and move on with someone else.
8. What happened when you both were separated?: When you both broke up, you moved on and she moved on. She dated/had flings with other guys while you did your own thing. When you both are getting back together, make sure you talk about what happened while you both were separated. If not discussed now could come back to hurt you later in the relationship. For example, if you had a fling with or dated his friend, her cousin, his former classmate, now is the time to spill it because if he/she finds out later, it could be a problem.
9. What’s presently happening that you don’t know?: Another important point to note is what’s happening now? Does he have a girlfriend now? Does she have someone she’s seeing now? Have they ended it or they “plan” on ending it. Wait till they have cut all ties with their ‘excess baggage’ before re-dating. Very important. Don’t assume things. As my maths teacher always said “when you ASSuME, u make an ASS out of U and ME”. Don’t make an ass out of yourself by assuming he’s single. Get your facts right. Ask questions and investigate if his answers are more crooked than a drunk driver.
10. How bad do you want it?: I have realized that most times when a separated couple want to get back together, its usually one person that’s wants in while the other is indifferent. After much pressure, the indifferent person (usually the girl) bows to consistent pressure from the other person (usually the guy) and they begin dating again. She enters out of pity or out of pressure. Her mind is not fully committed. How bad do you want it? Are you getting back to make friends and family happy because they liked you both together?
After taking the above “10 Question Test” truthfully and you both are committed to making it work then by all means go ahead. All the best love birds.