If Sex Does Not Prove Love, Then Why is Cheating a Problem


I saw the picture above sometime last year and immediately I knew the answer to the question the picture posed. I didn’t own a blog then so I didn’t think much of writing an article on it. It was until 5 friends sent me the picture and begged me to write an article on it that I started gathering my thoughts for this piece.
Let’s make something clear before we commence.
Sex is not love. Sex is a component of love but not love in its entirety. Sex is one of the avenues for the expression of love but just one of many avenues. If sex were to be love then prostitutes would be the most loved people on earth. Love entails so many things like understanding, sacrifice, care, self control, protection etc.

Now we have ascertained that sex is not love, let’s now find out what cheating entails:
Having a relationship means being there for each other in every way both physically and emotionally exclusively. Cheating is sharing that physical and emotional aspect of you with someone else other than your spouse. Remember, it’s not only the physical aspect, but also the emotional aspect. When someone cheats, it doesn’t necessarily have to be sexually inclined. I will define cheating simply as undue divided attention.
Undue in this context can be defined as unwarranted or inappropriate. The reason why undue is placed in front of divided attention is because not every divided attention is bad or can be termed cheating.
For example, a couple spent almost all their time together but as soon as a child was born, they had to divide their attention for the upbringing of the child. So therefore, when someone is cheating on his/her partner means the person is giving undue (unwarranted/inappropriate) divided attention to another member of the opposite sex.
Cheating without sex could include:
Kissing someone of the opposite sex, spending too much one-on-one time with a member of the opposite sex, keeping a relationship with someone a secret from your spouse, spending too much time with someone you know wants to date you. There are many ways to cheat but these are just a few examples.

So back to the question; If Sex does not prove love, then why is cheating a problem.
Cheating is a problem because:
1. Love is all about trust and cheating erodes trust in a relationship. It creates an environment of distrust where the person cheated on suspects every movement of the person that cheated.
2. It makes the partner that was cheated on feel insecure about their position in the relationship asking themselves questions like ‘Am I the one?’, ‘Am I the only one?’, ‘Am I the right one?’
3. It makes the cheater look like a heartless liar because if you cheated on me and you could lie to my face about it then and not feel guilty then you must be heartless.
4. It makes the cheater look selfish. The funny part is people that cheat are often the most jealous spouses ever. She is cheating on you and would get jealous when she sees you too close to another girl, that’s guilty conscience at work making her look selfishly jealous (just made that grammar up..lol)
5. It makes the partner that was cheated on feel insecure on the inside asking themselves questions like ‘Did he cheat on me because I am not fine enough for him?’, ‘maybe its because I am not smart enough?’, or ‘maybe it’s because I am not sexy enough’, or ‘maybe its because I don’t make enough money to take care of her’. It’s a guilty trip that has no ending. In short, it makes the person feel like they are not good enough for the person that cheated.

In conclusion, we have discovered that sex is not love but one of the components of love. Having sex with someone not your spouse is called cheating but there are also so many ways to cheat on your spouse without having sex outside. Cheating damages trust in a relationship and trust is one of the most important requirements in building a healthy relationship.

14 Comments Add yours

  1. chindalicious says:

    Nice article if people could see all these as cheating the world will be a better place.

    1. Exactly my point!…thanks hun.

  2. ohiza says:

    Hmmmmmm!! Okay lemme say something… Some men have actually left their marriage coz they fell inlove with another woman.. not like he did at first, but as time goes on he started having feelings for the girl ike proally coz of the way she have sex with him …. Makes him feel like a man! Some women understands the bedroom.game more than others nd everybody knows men like sex a very good one at that… #just saying

    1. Just sex will never make a man leave his wife and family. He might get sex outside periodically but never will a man leave his wife JUST because of sex!…if he has feelings for the girl and decides to leave his wife then something else caused it not just sex. Take note sweetie. Thanks for the comment.

  3. Steve Itelima says:

    So since sex is not involved, is it altogether a bad thing? I am of the opinion having sex with someone who’s not your wife is worst that can happen and it will over ride spending quality time or even kissing so long as sex is not involved.

    1. Having sex or not having sex, cheating is cheating. The same way stealing a billion dollars and stealing N1000 is still stealing but in different proportions. I hope you get my point. Thanks for the comment Steve.

  4. dara leo says:

    Very lovely piece charlie!!! If only everybody could could actually see this and understand the fact that sex alone, which is the only excuse, isnt just the only form of cheating… the world will be a better place

    1. Dara of life!. We need to spread the word!.. Thanks dear

  5. what about this? says:

    pardon me if i think you sort of blended the two sides here, but i think i’m onto something here:

    the question was about sex and love. “cheating” in this context was supposed to mean “having sex with another person.” take out emotional-bonding, talking, kissing, holding hands, hugging– whatever might also be considered cheating, then reassess the question:

    if sex does not prove love, then why is having sex with another person a problem?

    or then again:

    *if [anything but love] does not prove love, then why is [anything but love] with another person a problem?* (is love everything? what is love?)

    see how that sounds? you can reevaluate it any way you like, but the question still remains.

    so for this, make cheating mean that you strictly had sex with another person (i suppose you can change the word “sex” to anything else you like):

    take some couple… the woman chooses to have sex with another man. she doesn’t speak a word to this person– doesn’t love the guy, doesn’t look him in the eye, or even know a single thing about him; she just has sex with him. she loves her boyfriend (wait– why?). so should her boyfriend have a problem with this? her boyfriend loved her after all…

    you think he should? –but why?

    is it because it’s now an unshared experience? but then what about his sex history– ex-girlfriends?

    tarnished exclusivity? “ex-girlfriends” tarnished the word “exclusive” long ago– after he separated from his first girlfriend that he had sex with.

    lack of trust? but couples keep things from each other all the time, and sex is not life-threatening nor everything –like, what are you entrusting your “significant” other with?

    see, having several boyfriends or girlfriends with whom you had sex with actually means that you were temporarily exclusive to several people… in other words, it voids the word “exclusive,” truthfully. yes, it is also ridiculous-sounding.

    so why do people find sex (cheating) to be the determinate for a break-up? why is it a problem? it depends on the sort of couple, really; and no, marriage doesn’t change anything– then it’s just illegal (i think… isn’t that right? sex with another person becomes illegal when you marry, correct?). if you’re upset that your boyfriend or girlfriend had sex with someone else while they were with you, relax, they already had sex with someone else before you, and they’ll probably have sex with someone else after you (isn’t this fun?).

    people don’t seem to know what they’re upset with when it comes to cheating anymore, unless they are your rare and genuine exclusive-to-each-other-for-life-couple.

  6. Sex is wonderful, specially if you are doing it with someone you love and trust.

    1. EXACTLY….I agree 100%

  7. Excellent Excellent Humble says:

    Sex is never love, this days ladies think they can use sex to win a man’s heart, that’s why they cheat and feel it’s normal to do so. Nowadays love hardly exist, if guys can pay their way for sex then ladies are ready to sex off for the money, not until she goes into prostitution as a full time job, as long as she gets what she wanted cash then love should go to hell. we really need to be careful this days on how we date, who we date and reasons behind our dating anyone. all is not true as it use to be.

    1. #word. Preach on brother. I beg to differ on one point though. I believe true undiluted love still exists but understanding is whats fizzing away.

  8. Ndifreke Inyang says:

    I like to see things in very simple ways. What comes to my mind on seeing the picture is there are somethings we just cant share. You love your sis/bro for instance, u can share a lot with her/him like clothings, give access to atm card, etc. Would you be ok with it if your bro used your tooth brush or your sis wore your pant?
    Somethings are just too personal and exclusive that the mere thought of sharing alone is disturbing for a lot.

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