The 80-20 Rule of Relationships


John is a banker in his late twenties. His meteorological rise to the top of his bank’s management structure has been nothing but phenomenal. He is married to a very pretty fashion designer called Agnes. Agnes is very tall for a lady standing at 6 feet and was a model who came 2nd runner up in the Miss Nigeria 2005 beauty pageant. John and Agnes have been married for over a year now and have been doing well both at home and at work.
By the way, my name is Troy and I am John’s best friend (I was his best man at their wedding..if you must know). John and I have been friends since primary school and have been best buddies for over 10 years so best believe that all I am about revealing to you is classified but yet verified to be the truth.
Sorry for digressing, let’s get back to the romantic story of John and Agnes. So where was I? yes, John and Agnes have been married for over a year and are so much in love with each other. Three years before John and Agnes got married, there was Jennifer. I didn’t like Jennifer for anything, she was rude, disrespectful, unapproachable, arrogant and she no even fine sef but according to John she was the best thing that ever happened to him in bed.
So John and Jennifer breakup, he meets Agnes who is so humble, sweet, caring, in short she’s a wife material. He ends up marrying her and they are having a swell time as husband and wife until cracks in the relationship begin to appear. Not until Agnes moved out of their matrimonial home did I take the issue serious and got to know the reason behind the separation. John was apparently having an affair with Jennifer (his ex) and he blamed the affair on his sex life or lack of with his wife. So this big headed buddy of mine is about loosing a wonderful wife because of what he wasn’t getting from her.
This is a prime example of the 80:20 rule in relationships and here is how it works. The 80:20 rule states that you only get 80% of what you want from your partner, but there is 20% that you don’t get. For some couples, the figure might be 90:10 or 60:40 but for the purpose of this piece we’ll just stick with 80:20. In John’s case, Agnes gave him 80% of what he desired in a woman, she’s smart, beautiful, tall, patient, respectful, hardworking but she lacked that 20% he wanted which is dynamic in bed. There came Jennifer who had the 20% that Agnes lacked (dynamic in bed) but lacked the 80% that Agnes had, she was impatient, disrespectful, lazy. Instead of being grateful for the 80% that he had in Agnes, he focused on the 20% she didn’t give him. He saw the 20% she lacked in Jennifer but she also lacked the 80% that Agnes had.  The problem however with going for this 20% is that he has lost 80% of a good thing.

Morale of the story: Nobody is perfect and no relationship is perfect either. There will be moments you will see the things your partner lacks in another person and you will desire those things. Instead of focusing on the things you partner can’t give you which might be very few, focus on the things that your partner gives you which is usually a lot. It is better to fight for that 80% that you do have than to loose it for 20% that you don’t have (and realize too late what you have lost). Appreciate what you have before you loose it for what is not worth it.

5 Comments Add yours

  1. juliet says:

    very very true. This explains y people cheat; greed is a horrible thing. If u have what u want, will u want what u have? Learn to want/love what u already have. Wonderful article.

    1. “If u have what u want, will u want what u have?” took me a while to understand that statement. Thanks for making me think deep…lol and thanks for liking the article.

  2. Chinanu says:

    Nw I see it clearly…b contented wit wat u hav…u obviously cant hav it all

  3. Dami says:

    I just had to leave a comment. This piece is GOLD!!! I wish many more people knew about this. Because the truth is there will always be something your partner lacks which you will most likely find on someone else. But the key is to focus on those things that your partner does have, which in the end is usually worth more than that which he/she does not have. Thanks Kurtis!!!!

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